Like many women I was raised by a well-meaning martyr for a mother. Unknowingly, she taught me how to use guilt, passive aggressiveness and victimization as a means to an end. Now don’t get me wrong I do not believe that as an intelligent woman, which my mother is, she would ever confess to such a thing. But as I have blossomed into my own womanhood, and intelligence, it has become abundantly clear--that is exactly what it was. In a lot of ways I have rebelled against this thinking. And in some ways I am still grappling with it.
What is clear is that I do not believe there is some
high honor in self-sacrifice as an everyday practice and way of life. I don’t believe
that the pearly gates of some blissful afterlife open up because you were
willing to give up yourself for others. This is not to say that we don’t all
have truly altruistic moments and or needs to assist others. We do. I do. We do
these things on a regular basis and it is an expression of our humanity.
However what I’m talking about is the everyday unworthiness to lay down on the
tracks for people, places and things that do not deserve nor warrant such
sacrifice. I am talking about those of us who choose not to put ourselves first
and then wear it like a badge of honor. It is my hope to disempower this belief
for myself and any other woman who espouses this concept. Instead it is my hope
that we all find a place of balance wherein self-love, self-care and the
pursuit of personal wellness are the highest priorities. The most loving thing
we can teach our children is how to love and care for self. I am sure we have
all heard the saying, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. However,
if you don’t treat yourself well why would you expect anyone to do otherwise? We
teach people how to treat us by what we allow and what they see us do for
ourselves.
So here’s the take
away: Create a wholistic self-care plan that covers the way you treat
yourself, mind, body and soul. Write it down and share with your inner circle
for accountability and support. Revisit your plan periodically so that it remains
adaptable and flexible to your highest good.
I wish you well on your self-care journey.
Nya Akoma! (Take heart)
Imani Evans
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