The Audacity to Do Nothing! Self-care for Busy Women

I am currently on a staycation (until mid-August) to restore my soul. I have been exhausted at a cellular level for years. If you’ve ever experienced this feeling then you will know that it is not resolved by merely sleeping. I have always been multi-interested, multi-stimulated and, thus, always multi-tasking. It is how my brain works; what a glorious gift from God (seriously)! BUT everything has a breaking point. And there are times when the bucket gets filled to the max and begins rapidly spilling over, which puts my very sanity at risk. It has definitely shown up in my health as discomfort and dis-ease.

So here I am. I took off work for 2-weeks to do absolutely nothing…except whatever I want to do, whenever and however I want to do it!!!! Now…none of this has been easy, which is why I felt compelled to share this experience with anyone willing to stop multitasking, for just a moment, to read this. See, I know I am not the only one trying to wrestle the superwoman cape off of my back and rip it shreds! LOL

The first four days was spent responding to essential tasks that I neglected during my numbed-out period. I then informed people in my circle that I was taking a break to restore my soul, body and mind. I even stopped taking appointments, meetings, etc. This is atypical, because I would usually stop my main “job” but not my other stuff (community work, vision work, etc.). NOT THIS TIME…This time even in the face of my guilt-driven-save-the-world-complex, I am telling clients – NO, I am telling friends – NO, and the list goes on. Interestingly enough it is not just me who is grappling with my time to do nothing. I keep getting questions like…”So, what are you doing today?” And maybe it is just me but it reads like…”surely you are going to do something today and not just waste time, right?” WRONG, PEOPLE! Ask me how I am feeling on my time off…but don’t ask me the “what” question.

I am doing NOTHING…nothing today, nothing tomorrow…nothing until and unless I feel otherwise.

I have been working since age 14 like many people in my age group; I am tired. But that isn’t what gives me the audacity to attempt the art of doing nothing. It is a human right. It is a birthright. It is a right that allows us to restore ourselves to our bodies and the connectedness to all things.  It is essential to quiet the brigade of thoughts urging us that we are lazy, wasting time, or slacking off. I reject those thoughts starting today.

Today I am embracing the right to heal my soul, the right to sleep, the right to sit, ponder and only “play it by ear”. I am making no plans unless they can be readily canceled if my need to do nothing needs to take precedent. There are people who want answers to things, have questions, are wondering why I haven’t responded---well, this is why. I am working on shaking off the numbness so that I can re-enter my body…all while doing absolutely NOTHING.

I HOPE YOU GET YOUR “NOTHING” ON 

WHEN NEEDED TOO.  Thanks for letting me vent! J

Nya Akoma! (Take Heart)

Imani Evans, MA, EdDc

imani@surviving2thriving.org

www.imanievans.com

www.surviving2thriving.org

I AM Powerful

There are days that my power seems more elusive than I would like. Then there are days when I feel the depth and breadth of my power at a visceral level. But whatever side of my consciousness I wake up on, each day I seek to affirm the truth as I know it; And the truth as I know it is that I am a manifestation of all that is. I am a dynamic drop of the most omnipotent force in the universe. I am powerful. I am constantly and consistently co-creating all that I experience. However, I am not discouraged by knowing that pain and discomfort are a choice, because so too are joy and bliss. Thus, I can take a deep breath and exhale saying, I am powerful! When I do this I remember that "I AM" is a mantra and prayer. So anything that comes after the prolific I AM is my request to the universe.  When I fully stand in this "knowingness", I am the personification of gratitude and love, which conquers all things.  Below is one of my favorite Marianne Williamson quotes perfect for starting each and every day.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

Metta,
Imani Evans, MA
Women Healing Women, Inc.
imani@surviving2thriving.org
www.surviving2thriving.org
404.944.6409
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What happens when funny isn't about HAPPY? RIP Robin Williams

Wow, I feel strangely and deeply impacted by the alleged suicide of Robin Williams. It isn’t that I ever met him in person, or can even claim to be his number one fan. But I am an admirer of his work and, more importantly, I admire a world where a personality as big and as unique as Robin Williams can exist and succeed. It is no mistake that his breakout role was with Mork, in Mork & Mindy, because his personality was so big that he often looked like an alien in real life. If you want to find yourself really amused, go back and watch some of his early interviews. Talk about hilarious! But what was funnier than this his comedy was watching the interviewer try to control Robin on the stage. Impossible! I loved that about him. 

His death also hits home to me on another level, if in fact it turns out to be a confirmed suicide. As someone in the mental health profession and one who has had my own battles with depression at times, I am reminded of how effective the masks we wear can be at covering up our pain. It is critical that we find places where we can take off the mask and be our whole selves; be compassionately witnessed, validated and authentic. This need is so essential to our being that when it is unavailable we can feel lost. As is often the case when trauma impacts celebrities, there will be lots of media speculation and propaganda. If we can find anything useful from this spectacle that is sure to unfold (often without any compassion for the surviving loved ones), then I hope we take this as an opportunity to check in with our loved ones. Take this opportunity to check in to make sure a smile is really a smile and a laugh is really a laugh. Make sure that being funny isn't someone’s cry for help. Allow someone to take off the mask and be seen without judgment. Conversely, be willing to take off the mask and be vulnerable to receive love, help, or understanding. 

In the meantime, I will sit at my computer and replay segments of Mork and Mindy, Jumanji and especially the hysterical Mrs. Doubtfire as a way of honoring the legacy of this comedian, humanitarian and fellow human being. Rest in peace, Robin Williams.

In the spirit of love & community,

Imani Evans, MA

imani@surviving2thriving.org

www.surviving2thriving.org

NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE

It is time to exhale!

“Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honour my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose to make self-care a priority. I choose me.” ― Daniell Koepke

I have battled insomnia for many years now. Sleep deprivation is the catalyst for so many dis-eases. One of the tools I use to help clear my mind and allow my mind, body and spirit to relax for magnificent rejuvenation is mediation music. Here is one of my favorites:
Imani Evans, MA

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Self-Care Quick Tip for Women #1

Welcome to your nurturing nugget for the soul...

SELF-CARE TIP FOR WOMEN #1

"The only thing selfish about SELF-CARE is not making yourself a priority, but expecting others to do so. Put yourself first on the nurturing list so that you recognize when others are not." 
Imani Evans

MY FAVORITE SELF-CARE RESOURCE:
Right now I am really embracing the need for authenticity and vulnerability as a gateway for healing, from ANYTHING.  To that end my current favorite resource is, quite frankly, anything by Brene Brown. (SEE VIDEO BELOW)

Imani Evans, MA
Empowerment Coach/Performer/Blogger
Self-Care for Dynamic Women Blog
Women Healing Women Website
imani@surviving2thriving.org
REFLECTIONS E-JOURNAL FOR WOMEN

A recent interview with Imani on Can We Talk For Real:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/he-say-she-saynow-what-do-you-say/2013/07/25/woman-healing-woman-inc

VIDEO: Brene Brown on TED

The Fine Art of Self-Care For Dynamic Women 7/27

Workshop Details

“The Fine Art of Self-Care For Dynamic Women”

Description of workshop (PRINT FRIENDLY DOWNLOAD)

The Fine Art of Self-Care for Dynamic Women!  This presentation is designed for women

with big hearts, big visions, big responsibilities and energetic lives who are seeking BALANCE. It is an interactive workshop designed specifically for dynamic women…the overwhelmed, overworked, perfectionist, and the “fixer” types that we all can be at different times. Are you the “go-to” woman at work? Do your children, family, or partner lean on you to be the problem solver? Are you the unsung volunteer of the year in your community work? Do you sometimes neglect yourself and are often too overwhelmed to do any thing about it? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions…this workshop is for YOU! We are so busy solving problems for others that we forget to nurture our most significant relationship…the one we have with ourselves. This workshop will use fun, interactive exercises to help restore balance and find ways to nurture yourself so that you might continue to manifest your life’s purpose and call to others. What have you done for YOU lately?

Workshop details

Learning objectives

q   Participants will learn:

o        How to utilize a life-enriching definition of self-care

o        To identify the two biggest barriers to self-care: the “superwoman trap” and stress

o        The 10 take-home tips for creating balance and taking care of self

o        Identify their own self-care traps and support

This is a three-hour workshop designed for a maximum group of 30 women, conducted in an interactive format.

Cost: $35.00 (Fundraiser for Women Healing Women, Inc.)

Location: Little 5 Points Community Center, 
1083 Austin Ave., 

Atlanta, GA 30307 in 005.

Date: Saturday, July 27, 2013 / 10:30am-1:30pm

Facilitator: Imani Evans, MA

404.944.6409
*APPLY FOR A SCHOLARSHIP HERE*

Participants will engage in the following activities:

q   What’s on your plate?

q   Brief guided meditation

q   360 degrees of support

q   Affirmation Whispers

q   Life-Box exercise

q   Making A Personal Commitment

q   Design your own self-care plan

q   meditation

Participants will receive:

q   Workshop binder

q   PowerPoint presentation hand-outs

**Refreshments and snacks 

Audiences

This workshop is open to all.  The primary target will be women late 20’s to 60’s.

Where & when the session has been previously presented

Workshop was presented at the We Are One Conference in North Carolina, in April 2012   (Infinity Diamond Club) and at workshop on June 16, 2012 at the Hyatt Peachtree Atlanta, Regency V for the 40 Plus and Fabulous, FABU Academy event and June 30, 2012 at the Little 5 Points Community Center.

Here is what others are saying...

Or Watch the Video Testimonial from Life Coach, Alicia Waters (Alicia was one of 5 scholarships awarded)...

EMBRACE YOUR POWER!

(Written in March 2008)--After several conversations I've had recently, it seemed fitting to dig this one out of the archives.  Truth is consistent...

What a wonderful topic for me to have the privilege to share with you! I recently turned 40 years old and now, more than ever, I feel as if I have stepped into an authentic power. For me adding the word authentic is paramount and turning 40 was the catalyst for change. However we can embrace authentic power at any age.

One definition of the word power is “a position of authority”. Then adding the word authentic is about accepting the truth, which is that the only real authority we have is over our own lives. We have authority over the actions we take, the words we speak and the thoughts we believe. Possessing authentic power is about owning our personal Divine path…It is about stepping up to whatever it is you are called to do.

What did God put you here to have authority over? Whatever it is, it is unique to you. No one else can be it, feel it, or see it like you can. You can embrace it by choosing to live it without hesitation, limitation or fear. Seize your power with the confidence of knowing who and whose you are!

One of my favorite quotes is by Marianne Williamson, “Our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our biggest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” I keep the full quote on the back of my front door. It is there to remind me, before I step out into the world, to be all that the Creator has intended for me to be. I am reminded that playing small does not serve anyone. Each one of us is responsible doing our part in enriching the world.

I believe that in the end, when we all return to the Eternal Spirit as One, the only truth that will matter is whether or not we did whatever we were supposed to do to uplift humanity. Or were we too busy living in fear and playing small?

It is like this…If you had a beautiful bright bulb that could illuminate your entire house, but you never turned it on--then you would live in darkness. Embracing your authentic power is very much the same concept. It is like turning on your spiritual light for the world. Yours might just be the illumination that brings someone else out of confusion, suffering, and darkness. Hmmm…when you think about it like that it really seems almost selfish to not become your most powerful self, right?

So wait no longer—Step up today and Embrace Your Power!

Namaste,
Imani Evans, MA
http://selfcarefordynamicwomen.blogspot.com
www.surviving2thriving.org
imani@surviving2thriving.org

SELF-LOVE VERSUS SELF-SACRIFICE

 Like many women I was raised by a well-meaning martyr for a mother. Unknowingly, she taught me how to use guilt, passive aggressiveness and victimization as a means to an end. Now don’t get me wrong I do not believe that as an intelligent woman, which my mother is, she would ever confess to such a thing. But as I have blossomed into my own womanhood, and intelligence, it has become abundantly clear--that is exactly what it was. In a lot of ways I have rebelled against this thinking. And in some ways I am still grappling with it.

What is clear is that I do not believe there is some high honor in self-sacrifice as an everyday practice and way of life. I don’t believe that the pearly gates of some blissful afterlife open up because you were willing to give up yourself for others. This is not to say that we don’t all have truly altruistic moments and or needs to assist others. We do. I do. We do these things on a regular basis and it is an expression of our humanity. 

However what I’m talking about is the everyday unworthiness to lay down on the tracks for people, places and things that do not deserve nor warrant such sacrifice. I am talking about those of us who choose not to put ourselves first and then wear it like a badge of honor. It is my hope to disempower this belief for myself and any other woman who espouses this concept. Instead it is my hope that we all find a place of balance wherein self-love, self-care and the pursuit of personal wellness are the highest priorities. The most loving thing we can teach our children is how to love and care for self. I am sure we have all heard the saying, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. However, if you don’t treat yourself well why would you expect anyone to do otherwise? We teach people how to treat us by what we allow and what they see us do for ourselves.

So here’s the take away: Create a wholistic self-care plan that covers the way you treat yourself, mind, body and soul. Write it down and share with your inner circle for accountability and support. Revisit your plan periodically so that it remains adaptable and flexible to your highest good.

I wish you well on your self-care journey.

Nya Akoma! (Take heart)

Imani Evans

CEO/Women Healing Women, Inc.
Download Imani's Electronic Press Kit

An Unorthodox Thanksgiving

In typical rebellious Aquarian style I opted to check out of the traditional Thanksgiving practice this year.  Instead, my holiday was predicated on the need for self care versus cultural doctrine.  While many of my friends were baking turkeys and gathering family and friends for the annual feast and festivities, I was checking in to the Marriott for some much needed alone time.  I had an unrelenting desire to convene with myself outside of my normal surroundings.  So I hurried through the house gathering up my journal, books by my favorite healers and my workout clothes for an opportunity to hit the reset button on my self-care plan.

For the past few weeks I had been drifting further and further away from my carefully-crafted, self-care regimen, which I created as the North Star for my wellbeing.  As I write these words I need to be more honest with myself...The truth is that I had been drifting for more than a few weeks.  It has been more like a couple of months. Yikes!  I had to get refocused.  My whole existence depended on it.  Okay, that may sound a little dramatic—and there is no doubt that I have a flare for theatrics—but this time it is true. 

I have a few health challenges that are directly linked to my stress level and when they are in high gear I am virtually incapacitated.  I was introduced to a new affliction in August of this year.  It was a sudden and acute onset of a horribly painful dermatitis, affecting my hands and feet only.  I was unable to walk or use my hands for weeks.  After one visit to my completely baffled primary care physician, an equally befuddled emergency room doctor and 5 medications that offered little relief, I saw a specialist.  The specialist walked in and diagnosed it immediately.  He clearly identified my condition, stating, “Oh, I have seen this before. I know exactly what this is.  It is Sudden Acute Onset Dermatitis Non-Specific.” Cute...on the...who? What in the heck is that? I felt shocked and relieved all at the same time.  Prior to him, I thought I might have to become one of those people who writes in to weird reality shows in hopes of getting assistance, in exchange for being made a spectacle—a worthy trade off when you just need answers.  The doctor went on to say, “I don’t know your life, but you need to get yourself together.”  I took heed.

After this very scary ordeal, I knew I had to do something.  I was overwhelmed and now my secret was out.  And the coming out day was no joke.  I had to get it together.  So I sat and constructed a self-care plan that covered the needs of my mind, body and soul.  As you can see, letting it fall apart could be detrimental to my health.   I had to do something to retune and get back on track.

Now maybe you better understand the drive toward my unorthodox Thanksgiving.  I needed some emotional space to think and quiet the voices of shoulda-woulda-coulda.  I am not afraid to admit that I am an overfunctioner and I often come down with an acute case of “save the world-itis”. It is not cute.  I start feeling responsible for everyone and everything—in cases where it is required and not.  It is a compulsive place for me.  So this self-care holiday was a must.  Don’t get me wrong, hitting the button on the hotel purchase felt analogous to the president pushing the red button in the oval office.  Hard is an understatement.  I had to talk to myself and in the end my need to take care of myself was the priority.  I am happy to report that it was the right move.

What have I been doing on my self-care staycation? Great question! I have been getting some much needed sleep, as I usually battle insomnia during stressful periods.  I have been meditating, journaling, reading, reflecting, reconsidering, pondering and just loving and affirming myself.  I have one more day here and I plan to make the most of it.

The lesson: The lesson, which I humbly share with you in hopes that you might find some benefit, is to follow your intuition as it guides you in taking care of yourself.  You might call it spirit, intuition, inner-voice, etc.  However you identify it—just follow it to your highest good.  All the people who need and depend on you, can’t do either if you breakdown or if you are not here.  Lesson two: It is never too late to hit the reset button on your needs and desires. Every day that we wake up is a new opportunity to start over and do it all over again—whatever it is for you.

I honor you and your journey to self-care.  Be good to you!

Namaste,

Imani Evans

4-Tips for Self-Care Through the Holidays

It is that time of the year!  The holidays are upon us, but we must remember to keep our self-care regimen on the horizon.  Did you know that domestic violence and child abuse increases through holidays, mostly likely due to the incredible stress we endure, erroneously, as par for the course?  This season often plagues us with anxiety and our stress levels increase during what I call “the pleasing season”.  This is the time when our people-pleasing traits can rise to the surface and cause lots of anxiety.  But often the anxiety is bigger than the actual situation.  So don’t throw your self-care plan out with the gift wrappings.  Instead here are 4 tips for getting through the holiday season with your self-care and your sanity intact:

1)      Make a clear plan for how you will engage guests, family and events.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah, and New Year’s Day happens virtually the same time every year, but somehow we stress out like we had no idea it was coming.  Can you say crazy making? Don’t just plan your meals; Map out your interactions too.  You know yourself better than anyone…Be honest with how much “visiting” you can take before your tolerance levels have been surpassed.  It is okay to put your sanity on the Christmas list.

2)      Squeeze in time for breathers.  You will need time to regroup and re-center.  You’d be surprised what a brief 5 minutes of silence can do to bring you back a place of peace.  Take a moment to focus on your breath, which always brings you squarely into the now and that is always the most peaceful place to be.

3)      Schedule and plan time to reignite your self-care plan after the festivities.  Don’t let the holidays completely derail you.  So what you might have packed on 5 pounds?…But 5 doesn’t have to turn into 10, or 20! Add an extra “me” day on the end of your vacation to reflect on the celebration and plans to get back on track.

4)      Remember the true meaning of the season is about people NOT perfection! We can get so caught up in executing the perfect party, dinner, visit, etc., but really it is supposed to be about the connections.  At the end of the day, love, celebration and joy are experiences of the heart!

Click here to listen to my interview on Alicia Horn’s Wealth and Wellness Summit, detailing the tips above.  Remember you are the greatest gift to us all!

Nya Akoma,
Imani Evans, MA
imani@surviving2thriving.org
www.imanievans.com
www.surviving2thriving.org
404.944.6409
404.902.7770

Being Authentic...What it really means?

People often mistake the neck-rolling-hands-on-hip-diva-style-tell-it-like-it-is persona with what it means to be authentic. To the contrary beloveds “keeping it real” and authenticity are not quite the same. I am not saying that some circumstances might not warrant a diva-style approach to speaking the truth. Indeed being a diva is a defensible choice. But there is power in doing anything from choice, versus a lack of understanding. So for the sake of clarity let’s shape a working definition of authenticity.

Authenticity is an amalgamation of personal elements, composed of compassion, vulnerability and honesty. Now let’s break it down into bite-sized pieces of awareness:

 

Compassion and Authenticity

Authenticity without compassion breeds contempt. Your “truth” (which is simply an interpretation of facts filtered through a psychological schema) must take into consideration the heart, soul and being of others. This in no way means that being authentic will avoid hurt feelings. Hurt feelings are an inevitable part of living life on life’s terms. However, treating others with grace and respect honors our sense of humanity, even in the face of emotional pain. To that end, what we often perceive as emotional pain and hurt is God’s way of redirecting our attention back to Divine purpose. When our ego convinces us that being inauthentic is a way to protect another’s feelings then we may be getting in the way of God’s plan…And all I can say is good luck with that!

Vulnerability and Authenticity

Vulnerability is the biggie. It is the piece that usually stumps those who have not done the personal work to heal their emotional baggage. It requires you to have a good sense of self and self-image. However, authenticity without vulnerability lends itself to the desires of the ego. And, oh my, what an untamed beast the ego can be when left to run amok! The ability to be vulnerable means freedom from the primal needs of the ego. You can speak your truth without being affected by someone else’s image of you. Thus, your locus of validation must be internal in order to fuse vulnerability with authenticity. But it is essential if your intention is to speak a truth from your heart, without blame or judgment. For example, it is easier to extend forgiveness when you are vulnerable enough to recognize all the ways in which you need to be forgiven.

Vulnerability affords us all an opportunity to sift through our own painful stories, or joy for that matter. We are then able to see where our stuff ends and the other person’s begins. It is a heart-centered place to be and it takes real courage to live in that emotional position.

 

Honesty and Authenticity

Honesty is the foundation for authenticity. It is required, or you have to forgo even calling it authenticity. My new favorite quotes come from longtime empowerment coach, Iyanla Vanzant. On her new show, Iyanla Fix My Life, you can often hear her say, “Let’s call a thing a thing people” and “Just tell the truth”. Both phrases are more than appropriate for this element of authenticity. So let’s keep it simple. Here is the secret to honesty…Just be willing to tell the truth.

It is imperative that you decide where your integrity begins and ends. It is not always easy to do…I said simple, not necessarily easy. But the people around you deserve your honesty. You deserve your honesty. I am going to dare to say that it isn't always honesty with others that we grapple with. It is actually being honest with ourselves that poses the real challenge. We have to stop lying to ourselves, first and foremost. Stop people pleasing and tell the truth. Stop living in denial because wherever you go there you are, and you cannot run from the universal consciousness, so tell the truth. Stop living in shame because of things that you did when you didn't know any better and just tell the truth. There is no need to worry about how others will perceive you. Remember they are simply filtering their perceptions through their own schema. Instead focus on living with the person you see in the mirror every day.

 

Final Thoughts on Authenticity

Now, imagine how much richer our lives would be with authenticity. Yes, it is true…I promise! I wish you well on your journey to greater self-care through authenticity. Namaste

Written with LOVE by,

Imani