The Audacity to Do Nothing! Self-care for Busy Women

I am currently on a staycation (until mid-August) to restore my soul. I have been exhausted at a cellular level for years. If you’ve ever experienced this feeling then you will know that it is not resolved by merely sleeping. I have always been multi-interested, multi-stimulated and, thus, always multi-tasking. It is how my brain works; what a glorious gift from God (seriously)! BUT everything has a breaking point. And there are times when the bucket gets filled to the max and begins rapidly spilling over, which puts my very sanity at risk. It has definitely shown up in my health as discomfort and dis-ease.

So here I am. I took off work for 2-weeks to do absolutely nothing…except whatever I want to do, whenever and however I want to do it!!!! Now…none of this has been easy, which is why I felt compelled to share this experience with anyone willing to stop multitasking, for just a moment, to read this. See, I know I am not the only one trying to wrestle the superwoman cape off of my back and rip it shreds! LOL

The first four days was spent responding to essential tasks that I neglected during my numbed-out period. I then informed people in my circle that I was taking a break to restore my soul, body and mind. I even stopped taking appointments, meetings, etc. This is atypical, because I would usually stop my main “job” but not my other stuff (community work, vision work, etc.). NOT THIS TIME…This time even in the face of my guilt-driven-save-the-world-complex, I am telling clients – NO, I am telling friends – NO, and the list goes on. Interestingly enough it is not just me who is grappling with my time to do nothing. I keep getting questions like…”So, what are you doing today?” And maybe it is just me but it reads like…”surely you are going to do something today and not just waste time, right?” WRONG, PEOPLE! Ask me how I am feeling on my time off…but don’t ask me the “what” question.

I am doing NOTHING…nothing today, nothing tomorrow…nothing until and unless I feel otherwise.

I have been working since age 14 like many people in my age group; I am tired. But that isn’t what gives me the audacity to attempt the art of doing nothing. It is a human right. It is a birthright. It is a right that allows us to restore ourselves to our bodies and the connectedness to all things.  It is essential to quiet the brigade of thoughts urging us that we are lazy, wasting time, or slacking off. I reject those thoughts starting today.

Today I am embracing the right to heal my soul, the right to sleep, the right to sit, ponder and only “play it by ear”. I am making no plans unless they can be readily canceled if my need to do nothing needs to take precedent. There are people who want answers to things, have questions, are wondering why I haven’t responded---well, this is why. I am working on shaking off the numbness so that I can re-enter my body…all while doing absolutely NOTHING.

I HOPE YOU GET YOUR “NOTHING” ON 

WHEN NEEDED TOO.  Thanks for letting me vent! J

Nya Akoma! (Take Heart)

Imani Evans, MA, EdDc

imani@surviving2thriving.org

www.imanievans.com

www.surviving2thriving.org

It is time to exhale!

“Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honour my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose to make self-care a priority. I choose me.” ― Daniell Koepke

I have battled insomnia for many years now. Sleep deprivation is the catalyst for so many dis-eases. One of the tools I use to help clear my mind and allow my mind, body and spirit to relax for magnificent rejuvenation is mediation music. Here is one of my favorites:
Imani Evans, MA

Self-Care Quick Tip for Women #1

Welcome to your nurturing nugget for the soul...

SELF-CARE TIP FOR WOMEN #1

"The only thing selfish about SELF-CARE is not making yourself a priority, but expecting others to do so. Put yourself first on the nurturing list so that you recognize when others are not." 
Imani Evans

MY FAVORITE SELF-CARE RESOURCE:
Right now I am really embracing the need for authenticity and vulnerability as a gateway for healing, from ANYTHING.  To that end my current favorite resource is, quite frankly, anything by Brene Brown. (SEE VIDEO BELOW)

Imani Evans, MA
Empowerment Coach/Performer/Blogger
Self-Care for Dynamic Women Blog
Women Healing Women Website
imani@surviving2thriving.org
REFLECTIONS E-JOURNAL FOR WOMEN

A recent interview with Imani on Can We Talk For Real:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/he-say-she-saynow-what-do-you-say/2013/07/25/woman-healing-woman-inc

VIDEO: Brene Brown on TED

The Fine Art of Self-Care For Dynamic Women 7/27

Workshop Details

“The Fine Art of Self-Care For Dynamic Women”

Description of workshop (PRINT FRIENDLY DOWNLOAD)

The Fine Art of Self-Care for Dynamic Women!  This presentation is designed for women

with big hearts, big visions, big responsibilities and energetic lives who are seeking BALANCE. It is an interactive workshop designed specifically for dynamic women…the overwhelmed, overworked, perfectionist, and the “fixer” types that we all can be at different times. Are you the “go-to” woman at work? Do your children, family, or partner lean on you to be the problem solver? Are you the unsung volunteer of the year in your community work? Do you sometimes neglect yourself and are often too overwhelmed to do any thing about it? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions…this workshop is for YOU! We are so busy solving problems for others that we forget to nurture our most significant relationship…the one we have with ourselves. This workshop will use fun, interactive exercises to help restore balance and find ways to nurture yourself so that you might continue to manifest your life’s purpose and call to others. What have you done for YOU lately?

Workshop details

Learning objectives

q   Participants will learn:

o        How to utilize a life-enriching definition of self-care

o        To identify the two biggest barriers to self-care: the “superwoman trap” and stress

o        The 10 take-home tips for creating balance and taking care of self

o        Identify their own self-care traps and support

This is a three-hour workshop designed for a maximum group of 30 women, conducted in an interactive format.

Cost: $35.00 (Fundraiser for Women Healing Women, Inc.)

Location: Little 5 Points Community Center, 
1083 Austin Ave., 

Atlanta, GA 30307 in 005.

Date: Saturday, July 27, 2013 / 10:30am-1:30pm

Facilitator: Imani Evans, MA

404.944.6409
*APPLY FOR A SCHOLARSHIP HERE*

Participants will engage in the following activities:

q   What’s on your plate?

q   Brief guided meditation

q   360 degrees of support

q   Affirmation Whispers

q   Life-Box exercise

q   Making A Personal Commitment

q   Design your own self-care plan

q   meditation

Participants will receive:

q   Workshop binder

q   PowerPoint presentation hand-outs

**Refreshments and snacks 

Audiences

This workshop is open to all.  The primary target will be women late 20’s to 60’s.

Where & when the session has been previously presented

Workshop was presented at the We Are One Conference in North Carolina, in April 2012   (Infinity Diamond Club) and at workshop on June 16, 2012 at the Hyatt Peachtree Atlanta, Regency V for the 40 Plus and Fabulous, FABU Academy event and June 30, 2012 at the Little 5 Points Community Center.

Here is what others are saying...

Or Watch the Video Testimonial from Life Coach, Alicia Waters (Alicia was one of 5 scholarships awarded)...

An Unorthodox Thanksgiving

In typical rebellious Aquarian style I opted to check out of the traditional Thanksgiving practice this year.  Instead, my holiday was predicated on the need for self care versus cultural doctrine.  While many of my friends were baking turkeys and gathering family and friends for the annual feast and festivities, I was checking in to the Marriott for some much needed alone time.  I had an unrelenting desire to convene with myself outside of my normal surroundings.  So I hurried through the house gathering up my journal, books by my favorite healers and my workout clothes for an opportunity to hit the reset button on my self-care plan.

For the past few weeks I had been drifting further and further away from my carefully-crafted, self-care regimen, which I created as the North Star for my wellbeing.  As I write these words I need to be more honest with myself...The truth is that I had been drifting for more than a few weeks.  It has been more like a couple of months. Yikes!  I had to get refocused.  My whole existence depended on it.  Okay, that may sound a little dramatic—and there is no doubt that I have a flare for theatrics—but this time it is true. 

I have a few health challenges that are directly linked to my stress level and when they are in high gear I am virtually incapacitated.  I was introduced to a new affliction in August of this year.  It was a sudden and acute onset of a horribly painful dermatitis, affecting my hands and feet only.  I was unable to walk or use my hands for weeks.  After one visit to my completely baffled primary care physician, an equally befuddled emergency room doctor and 5 medications that offered little relief, I saw a specialist.  The specialist walked in and diagnosed it immediately.  He clearly identified my condition, stating, “Oh, I have seen this before. I know exactly what this is.  It is Sudden Acute Onset Dermatitis Non-Specific.” Cute...on the...who? What in the heck is that? I felt shocked and relieved all at the same time.  Prior to him, I thought I might have to become one of those people who writes in to weird reality shows in hopes of getting assistance, in exchange for being made a spectacle—a worthy trade off when you just need answers.  The doctor went on to say, “I don’t know your life, but you need to get yourself together.”  I took heed.

After this very scary ordeal, I knew I had to do something.  I was overwhelmed and now my secret was out.  And the coming out day was no joke.  I had to get it together.  So I sat and constructed a self-care plan that covered the needs of my mind, body and soul.  As you can see, letting it fall apart could be detrimental to my health.   I had to do something to retune and get back on track.

Now maybe you better understand the drive toward my unorthodox Thanksgiving.  I needed some emotional space to think and quiet the voices of shoulda-woulda-coulda.  I am not afraid to admit that I am an overfunctioner and I often come down with an acute case of “save the world-itis”. It is not cute.  I start feeling responsible for everyone and everything—in cases where it is required and not.  It is a compulsive place for me.  So this self-care holiday was a must.  Don’t get me wrong, hitting the button on the hotel purchase felt analogous to the president pushing the red button in the oval office.  Hard is an understatement.  I had to talk to myself and in the end my need to take care of myself was the priority.  I am happy to report that it was the right move.

What have I been doing on my self-care staycation? Great question! I have been getting some much needed sleep, as I usually battle insomnia during stressful periods.  I have been meditating, journaling, reading, reflecting, reconsidering, pondering and just loving and affirming myself.  I have one more day here and I plan to make the most of it.

The lesson: The lesson, which I humbly share with you in hopes that you might find some benefit, is to follow your intuition as it guides you in taking care of yourself.  You might call it spirit, intuition, inner-voice, etc.  However you identify it—just follow it to your highest good.  All the people who need and depend on you, can’t do either if you breakdown or if you are not here.  Lesson two: It is never too late to hit the reset button on your needs and desires. Every day that we wake up is a new opportunity to start over and do it all over again—whatever it is for you.

I honor you and your journey to self-care.  Be good to you!

Namaste,

Imani Evans

4-Tips for Self-Care Through the Holidays

It is that time of the year!  The holidays are upon us, but we must remember to keep our self-care regimen on the horizon.  Did you know that domestic violence and child abuse increases through holidays, mostly likely due to the incredible stress we endure, erroneously, as par for the course?  This season often plagues us with anxiety and our stress levels increase during what I call “the pleasing season”.  This is the time when our people-pleasing traits can rise to the surface and cause lots of anxiety.  But often the anxiety is bigger than the actual situation.  So don’t throw your self-care plan out with the gift wrappings.  Instead here are 4 tips for getting through the holiday season with your self-care and your sanity intact:

1)      Make a clear plan for how you will engage guests, family and events.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah, and New Year’s Day happens virtually the same time every year, but somehow we stress out like we had no idea it was coming.  Can you say crazy making? Don’t just plan your meals; Map out your interactions too.  You know yourself better than anyone…Be honest with how much “visiting” you can take before your tolerance levels have been surpassed.  It is okay to put your sanity on the Christmas list.

2)      Squeeze in time for breathers.  You will need time to regroup and re-center.  You’d be surprised what a brief 5 minutes of silence can do to bring you back a place of peace.  Take a moment to focus on your breath, which always brings you squarely into the now and that is always the most peaceful place to be.

3)      Schedule and plan time to reignite your self-care plan after the festivities.  Don’t let the holidays completely derail you.  So what you might have packed on 5 pounds?…But 5 doesn’t have to turn into 10, or 20! Add an extra “me” day on the end of your vacation to reflect on the celebration and plans to get back on track.

4)      Remember the true meaning of the season is about people NOT perfection! We can get so caught up in executing the perfect party, dinner, visit, etc., but really it is supposed to be about the connections.  At the end of the day, love, celebration and joy are experiences of the heart!

Click here to listen to my interview on Alicia Horn’s Wealth and Wellness Summit, detailing the tips above.  Remember you are the greatest gift to us all!

Nya Akoma,
Imani Evans, MA
imani@surviving2thriving.org
www.imanievans.com
www.surviving2thriving.org
404.944.6409
404.902.7770